On our website, you can rate and review your doctor so new patients can be better informed.
But what about the doctors who aren’t on our site — the ones who have killed patients in cold blood or been put on a leave of absence just as they were about to save someone’s life? Yes, I’m talking about the cold-hearted world of television doctors.
If we are ever going to have true reform, we need transparency in Hollywood’s imaginary health care system. With so much misinformation out there, how can you find the best TV doctor for you and your family? Below, we rated the top 7 television doctors in order of their Primetime Emmy awards.
1. Alan Alda in M*A*S*H
Best Lead Actor in a Comedy Series, 1980
Actor of the Year, 1974
Bedside Manner: – Acerbic wit hides his warm heart and PTSD.
Ease of Appointment: – Difficult to travel to Korea.
Accurate Diagnosis: – Mainly prescribes morphine.
Courteous Staff: – Staff occasionally yells “incoming” and disappears.
2. William Daniels in St. Elsewhere
Outstanding Lead Actor, 1985, 1986
Bedside Manner: – Mustachioed.
Ease of Appointment: – I was brought in via talking car.
Accurate Diagnosis: – He killed Mrs. Hufnagle.
Courteous Staff: – One Canadian guy keeps putting a rubber glove on his head, another one thinks he’s Malcolm X.
3. Mandy Patinkin in Chicago Hope
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series, 1995
Bedside Manner:— Mainly communicates in showtunes.
Ease of Appointment:— They call it Chicago Hope because you’d better hope they pick up the phone.
Accurate Diagnosis:— Insisted I killed his father, threatened me with death.
Courteous Staff:— Rather overly dramatic.
4. George Clooney in ER
2 nominations, no wins (but who are you to judge him?)
Bedside Manner: — Gorgeous.
Ease of Appointment:— I’d wait a lifetime.
Accurate Diagnosis: — I don’t remember a word he said.
Courteous Staff: – There were times when I had to see and speak to other people who were not George Clooney. Unacceptable!
5. Hugh Laurie in House
6 Nominations for Oustanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series, no wins
Nominated: Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series, 2005, no Wins
Bedside Manner: — Communicates mostly in voiceovers.
Ease of Appointment: — Unfortunately easy.
Accurate Diagnosis: — Almost never.
Courteous Staff: — Dr. Kelso pushed my wheelchair down the stairs.
7. Neil Patrick Harris in Doogie Howser
Nominations: none; Wins: Also none
Bedside Manner: — Seemed a bit young.
Ease of Appointment: — Like really young.
Accurate Diagnosis: — No seriously, is he a child?
Courteous Staff: — I’m weirded out, I think I’ll go to another doctor.
Did we miss a doctor who (pun not intended) should be here? Let us know.
(To rate and review a real doctor, visit http://www.vitals.com/review)