Carolyn & Sean Savage (today.msnbc.msn.com)
For Carolyn and Sean Savage of Ohio, the joy of finding out they were expecting after undergoing in-vitro fertilization turned to anguish when the doctor who implanted the embryos called to say there had been a mistake. Another couple’s embryos had mistakenly been implanted in Carolyn.
The doctor gave them two options: they could terminate or continue the pregnancy and give the baby to the biological parents when it is born. For the deeply religious Savages, termination was not an option.
When asked if they will have any contact with the baby or role in the babies’ life, Carolyn poignantly states:
“We know they [the other couple] didn’t ask for this…We are not going to impress ourselves into their lives. Of course we will wonder about this child every day for the rest of our lives and we have hopes for him - but they’re his parents and we will defer to their judgment…We just want to know that he is happy and healthy”.
Carolyn and Sean have two teenage boys and a 1 1/2 year-old daughter who was conceived via IVF.
“We felt strongly that we needed to give every embryo we created a chance at life”, says Carolyn of the 5 embryos that remained after their first IVF treatment.
Those embryos will now be implanted into a surrogate as Carolyn is physically unable to have another child.
Neither the doctor nor the clinic involved has been named due to pending litigation.
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Tags: Carolyn and Sean Savage, carrying wrong embryo, embryo, In Vitro Fertilization, IVF, surrogate mother, woman implanted with wrong embryo
Deb | September 21, 2009 at 11:20 am
This is so sad because this child will still have a unique bond with Carolyn Savage, even though she is not the genetic mother. After 9 months in the womb a baby knows nothing of “genetics” they only know the connection with the woman who carried them. This is almost like an adoption, and unfortunatly similar life long loss issues will follow this child and the Savage family. I hope that the counselors involved are encouraging a very open and frequent contact between the families, as the child will sense this loss of the (carrying) mother and may struggle with issues of abandonment and loss throught out their life. I also would encourage the Savage family to consider the same issues as they go on to have another woman carry their remaining embryos.
Sarah | September 21, 2009 at 11:59 am
What a beautiful story of selflessness. I hope all goes well for the delivery and placement of the child with his biological family. I also send all my best to the Savage family in this difficult time. God bless you.
Jenny | September 21, 2009 at 12:48 pm
My heart goes out to both families, this is such a sad situation. But I do wonder, why are religious families who believe that terminating babies is against God’s will even going through IVF? It seems to me maybe that it is God’s will that they don’t have another child in the first place? I know it sounds harsh but maybe people aren’t meant to be playing around with human lives like this, creating all these weird situations where there are octo babies or no one knows who the parents should be etc. It doesn’t seem right.
Jennifer | September 21, 2009 at 1:19 pm
What an amazing couple. I have been trying for 3 and a half years to have a third child, so I can completely understand their desire for more children. To have that happen to them is heartbreaking, but they are such an inspiration - what an amazing gift they are giving to the other family. My thoughts and prayers are with them when they have to give up the baby, I’m sure it will be the most difficult moment imaginable. I’m sure God is very proud of them and I hope they know how inspiring they are to others.
Brenda | September 21, 2009 at 2:02 pm
As a person who has gone through IVF two times (both frozen transfers), blessed with two healthy children and planning to do it again (7 embryos still frozen), my heart goes out to the Savage family- particularly Carolyn. For those of you who do not understand IVF, and the blessing that it is, be happy that you can get pregnant the natural way. For those of us who desperately want(ed) children, and could not do it the natural way, IVF (and all fertility treatments) are our blessing. You may not look at it as a religious gift, but in the end, the miracle that is created is the largest, most miraculous gift in the world.
nita | September 21, 2009 at 11:40 pm
Jenny please read what Brenda wrote. To me I am single and have no children, and not to sound self-righteous,etc but due to my religion I will not have a child w/o being married. so no w I am entering my early 40s and likely will not have a child. It is a heartbreaking feeling. during my own struggles, this has helped me learn empathy for those who desire a child and cannot have one. To me their desire to go do IVF,etc shows how much they value and wish to be a parent. It is an honor to be a parent.
Having the chance to resort to IVF is a true blessing as Brenda said. I know someone who recently had a child due to IVF and it is a true blessing to her family. Resorting to IVF is in no way contrary to God’s will as you imply. Rather it shows how much people value children and to join forces w/God in creating life.
Jenny wrote: “But I do wonder, why are religious families who believe that terminating babies is against God’s will even going through IVF? It seems to me maybe that it is God’s will that they don’t have another child in the first place? I know it sounds harsh but maybe people aren’t meant to be playing around with human lives like this, creating all these weird situations where there are octo babies or no one knows who the parents should be etc. It doesn’t seem right”
justatag | September 22, 2009 at 9:20 am
I have the same question that Jenny does. Please, I am not judging, just asking to have an adult discussion, listen to others, and “check myself”. I too have trouble understanding how someone can be against abortion for religious reasons but not be against something like IVF. I guess my “reason” is that I believe having a child is between a man and woman, not a man woman and doctor. I feel like in this case, the doctor is playing God. I guess there is some argument in that it wouldn’t happen with a doctor unless God allowed it and that giving the doctor the technology was also allowed by God. But I don’t know that I believe that argument. God must allow “sin” because without it, we have no reason to ask for forgiveness. I’m not saying this is a sin, which is why I used “” marks. Please, I am not judging and have tried to use non-confrontational verbiage here. I simply want to listen to the other side. Thanks.
Katrina | September 22, 2009 at 11:34 am
As someone who has straight and gay friends who have went through IVF and being a mother myself my heart goes out to the Savage’s.
My friends had their treatment from the New England Fertility Institute in Stamford CT and one wonders if couples who do choose IVF do sometimes go down that road because they see it as their last and only available option!
Religious dilemma’s aside unless one knows and understands the natural desire for a woman to bring life into this world, it is so easy to forget the emotional and lifelong effects not being able to give birth can have.
I know women in their early 40’s who decided to follow a career and just assumed that they would be able to conceive later in life once they felt able to. Sadly that is not always possible. The biological clock has ways of being so very cruel, without us even realising it.
If I had a daughter who wanted to wait and give birth later I would strongly advise looking into all the options now to increase the chances of a successful birth later in life.
Matt | September 22, 2009 at 1:45 pm
God Bless the Savage’s and the biological parents. Everything will work out. All will be blessed with the gift of having been a part of this new life. As a parent of two beautiful girls born via IVF I can only say that any couple or single mom that has gone thru the emotional torture of not being able to concieve without help and then going thru the gift of IVF has the right to even speak on the subject. IVF is no different than natural conception with the exception that everything is sped up and stimulated to simulate up to 12 normal female ovulation cycles that produce up to 12 viable eggs to be implented from the father (or donor). I would be that if you looked at the quality of life of any child born thru IVF versus natural conception that that IVF child is in the mos loving environment they could be in. When a couple wants to share the gift of life and raise a child has to go thru something as drstic as IVF the experience makes them better parents. You will never ever see a story of an abused IVF child. Not that parents who can concieve natural are bad parents, most are very good, but they can never have that burning desire that in IVF couple has gone thru just to have a child. That also infuiates me that insurance companies wont pay for IVF treatment as it is “not medically necesarry” and then tun around and pay to reverse a vasectomy of a man who wants to have another child. Is that medically necesarry? Most IVF patients have underlying issues that force them to go that route, for my wife and I we found out at age 30 that I have a rare form of Cystic Fibrosis that causes me not to have a vas deferens. So not only did we go thru IVF I had a top urologist in the country operate on me to rescue what was needed for us to have children of our own. So remember - understand before you speak and have sympathy for IVF families as they most likely are going thru a very emotional time and need a friendly word rather than a religious sermon on the right or wrong of IVF. We are Catholic and Pope John Paul wrote a doctrine prior to his death calling IVF the greatest mass murder since the Holocast. This is ridiculus. Just look at the Savage’s the are going out of their way to endure that each embryo has a chance. Others choose to let the embryos be donated for stem cell research so that maybe one day there will be no more cystic fibrosis. All of this is God’s will or he would not have blessed science with the ability to help create life. The same way two drunk teenagers might do in the back seat of a Buick on Prom night and end up with an unwanted child. That is the kid who will need help not this baby that Mrs. Savage is carrying…..
Jen | September 22, 2009 at 2:35 pm
To those wondering why someone can go through IVF when they do not believe in abortion, I think you’re missing the point. IVF is helping bring a life into the world, one that you desperately want. Abortion is taking a life out of this world without giving it a chance at life, which many people are religiously opposed to. The only thing that makes them similar is the fact that they are medical procedures - but they are at complete opposite ends of the spectrum. I am sure there are probably people out there who are also religiously opposed to fertility treatments and IVF, but you have to understand that they are 2 completely separate issues and being opposed to 1 does not necessarily mean that you have to be opposed to the other.
To those who say that ‘maybe God didn’t want them to have more children’, I’m sure many religious people would counter with the argument that sometimes God puts obstacles in our path and allows us to struggle b/c it makes us stronger in our faith to persevere and continue to trust in God during the struggle.
As far as having a child not ‘being between a man a woman and a doctor’, well I wonder if you have a heart attack if you want that to just be your business and leave the doctors out of it. No? Okay then. Maybe if you want to get in shape and lose weight you should leave the fitness and nutrition experts out of it too. Maybe when your kid needs to learn how to drive it should just be between your 15 year old and your Buick. I could go on and on but you get the point.
no name | September 22, 2009 at 2:44 pm
To justatag:
Thank you for asking your question in a non-judgemental way. I understand your line of thought. But let me give you another perspective. You believe that creating a baby is between a man, a woman and God. There are also people who believe that a person’s health and physical well-being are between that person and God. And those people have been known to refuse life-saving medical treatment. But many of us would consider a doctor’s ability to heal us and human advances in medicine and technology as gifts from God and that is exactly how I feel about IVF. All I have to do to know that is look into my kids’ eyes.
Deb | September 22, 2009 at 2:48 pm
I see no one who commented after has addressed the issue I brought up, and that is this whole event from the perspective of the CHILD. Interesting.
Ann | September 22, 2009 at 2:55 pm
I don’t understand why some people think so much of themselves that they feel the need to personally reproduce multiple times. I felt bad for this couple until I saw it would be their 4th child! That is selfish and irresponsible. If they are as “religious” as they say - and want to do good in this world- why not adopt. It can’t be any more cost prohibitive thatn IVF. Like Jenny said - maybe it is “God’s Will” that they not have any more children.
Jen | September 22, 2009 at 4:21 pm
Ann - the reason that they are still ‘personally reproducing multiple times’ is b/c they still have embryos ‘leftover’ from doing a cycle when they ended up with several, and they apparently believe that they must give each of them a chance at life. They are not going through multiple cycles to make multiple embryos, they are giving the ones that they already have a chance at life. I think it’s probably very difficult to understand this particular issue unless you have been in the situation of basically having several of your children sitting in ‘limbo’ in a lab - either you attempt to carry them yourself, or you donate them to another couple, possibly donate them to science, or just allow them to be destroyed. I’m sure it’s a very very personal decision to choose which option is best for your family, and I’m sure it’s not a decision made lightly.
Deb - I think no one’s commented on your concerns yet b/c honestly it’s a difficult issue to grasp. I would think that most people probably do not ‘believe’ that children who are adopted or carried and born by a surrogate suffer any particular lifelong distress just b/c they are not raised by the parents that gave birth to them. I know of many many people who were adopted early in life that do not feel that they were ’slighted’ or wronged in any way and live very happy fullfilled lives w/o necessarily having to know ‘where they came from’. I think it’s also hard for people to worry about this issue b/c the parents (both biological and the lady carrying the child) have to decide *right now* what to do, and there is no way to know right now what the child would want later on down the road when they’ve had a chance to think about it, you know? So they have to make the best decision they can with the info they have right now. It is definitely an interesting concept that you bring up, but you have to realize that most people don’t think about it in those terms so it can be difficult to discuss.
Deb | September 22, 2009 at 7:13 pm
Jen, I never really thought about it that way either, that was until after I had adopted three children, one of whom struggles a great deal with the concerns of loss and attachment. I also have had to bear witness to the emotional grief of the bio-families, and trust me no one really “believes” it until they (unfortunatly) find themselves actually living it.
I honestly feel so badly for these families, neither is at fault to have been put in this position. The thing I am most concerned with though, is are they getting educated counseling right now to help them see how the child (and they) will be impacted? It isn’t just as “easy” as having the baby, handing it over, and moving on with your life. Mrs. Savage should talk to a few birthmothers about their experience, grief and loss because she will be (sadly) joining their ranks soon.
Difficult to discuss, perhaps, but even more difficult to live.
justatag | September 23, 2009 at 8:12 am
No name,
Thank you for your response. That is a point I’ve often teetered back and forth on. Would I want to be put on life support or have a heart transplant to save my life? Right now, I’d say no. But I will accept a shot to prevent the flu, or medicine to prevent nausea (I’m currently pregnant with my first child). So this does suggest that I’m willing to accept medical intervention, but to a degree. Who’s to say my degree is right or wrong. Thank you for giving me something to think about.
Tony Brown | September 24, 2009 at 8:30 am
I don’t know If I said it already but …Hey good stuff…keep up the good work!
I read a lot of blogs on a daily basis and for the most part, people lack substance but, I just wanted to make a quick comment to say I’m glad I found your blog. Thanks,)
A definite great read..Tony Brown
mum1day | September 24, 2009 at 9:08 pm
What a amazing story its both happy and sad at the same time. My husband and I have wanted a child for the past 3 years. I think it’s pretty rude to make such comments regaurding “Plenty of children out there need homes and adopt” sometimes people don’t fit the adoption mold, ie some dont have 40,000 dollars in their back pocket. But we all should be given the chance to be parents if we desire to be parents. What gives anyone the right to tell someone wanting a child that their only choice is adoption? It’s also pretty rude to make comments about “god” if god didnt want people to have kids then maybe you shouldnt have been choosen to be a mum and show such lack respect for people who fight everyday with fertility like my husband and myself.It also not right as someone has said to abort a child but people socially accept that and canadain taxe dollars pay for that everyday its as bad as a baby hollacost! Religiously speaking there is a commandment in the bible that say “thou shall not kill” hmmm well that has not been followed! anyways please show some respect and sympathy at the same time some of us werent born “baby makers” and need alittle faith and gods hand to make a baby! God made drs to HELP People not KILL people!